Part of a Family

I’m a planner.  I have been since day 1.  When something’s wrong, I can’t move on until a plan is in place to fix it.  Over the past few years I’ve been growing in my abilities to let go, but this weekend proved to me how much farther I have to go, as well as how ready I am to take on the adventure.

I spent the days leading up to today looking forward to a day on the water.  Since my parents are both homebodies, driving from our home to the doctor’s office 10 miles down the freeway was a huge outing.  Part of my adolescent rebellion has involved traveling, seeing, and doing as much as I can.  In the process I discovered that I love boating.  It feeds my soul.  Something about the sun, wind and water all mixed together just causes the chaos in my head to settle long enough for me to enjoy myself thoroughly.  This weekend was supposed to be about getting together with some people I hadn’t seen in a while and boating, or at least that’s what I had decided without even discussing with them.

Naturally, when it didn’t work out I was crushed.  Crushed because I felt unwanted.  Crushed because I didn’t want to sit at home.  Crushed because my plans fell through.

Boyfriend did everything in his powers to make sure I felt loved and cared for yesterday.  He made plans (yay!) to head to the city with enough time to find a beach before the Giants game.  And it truly was a wonderful day.  But something was missing.  I didn’t realize it yesterday, but at dinner tonight I discovered what was out of place.

Family.

I’d been looking forward to spending the day with family.  And it didn’t happen.

Until tonight.

It wasn’t planned, and that’s part of why it was beautiful.  As we sat around the dinner table discussing bachelor parties and peeing in pools, I felt like I was part of a family.  Again.  Because I am.  Yeah, I am.  When my soon to be insurance agent sends me e-mails with quotes, they’re signed with love.  Because I’m part of the family.  When I’m invited to stay for dinner because I’m there as everyone’s about to sit down, no one’s worried about the awkwardness anymore.  It’s about family.  It’s about people who love each other and would do anything for each other.  Now this isn’t to say that we’ve arrived at a place where everything is hunky dory.  We’re a long ways off.  But we’re headed in the right direction and there’s light at the end of the tunnel.  I’m sure of that now.

Here's a photo from the last time we were a family.  We spent the day touring the SF Bay on a boat and relaxing, and it's one of my favorite memories together.