If you remember, I said in February that I never wanted to go to a camp again. (If you don't, no big deal, you can read why here.) I think I figured out my issues.
One of the things we as Christians do is judge. Especially me, and especially when I'm cranky. I want things to be my way all the time because as we all know my way is the best way to do everything. Even as I type this I'm waiting for the lightening to strike me. (I think I made it out ok...) I think I was so incredibly frustrated at camp because I felt judged. I felt like if I spent time with one student rather than another I was judged. I felt like if I was with a group of students I was judged. I felt like if I took a picture of my students I was judged. I felt like if I walked around with a camera but didn't take pictures I was judged. I felt judged for my t-shirt size and judged for my hugs and judged for my excitement and judged for my thoughts. I felt judged when I talked and judged when I didn't. I felt judged for having quiet time away with the Lord. Get the picture? Doesn't seem very fun. It wasn't.
What kind of group of people are we that we are so busy judging? I felt so judged and attacked that I was afraid to do anything, especially things that were a little daring and therefore had the potential to be amazing.
In October I went to NYWC, and one of my favorite speakers has started an organization reaching out to the gay and lesbian community in Chicago. He said a few things that have stuck with me to this day and have changed how I think about Christ. He said that one of the things that is wonderful about the gay and lesbian community is how accepting they are. They accept everyone. Isn't acceptance what we as human beings crave? We want someone to love us, to respect us, and to care for us. The sad news is that we as Christians are being out-loved by non-Christians. The Red Cross did a better job post-twin towers than the church did. Oh yeah. Huh. So how does this relate?
We, as lovers of God and followers of Christ, are called to live for the glory of God and the good of others (see Matthew 22:36-40). How is us judging included in us living for the glory of God or the good of others? Because I felt so constantly judged, I started to think through every single action I made to think about what it would say to those judging me. I became so caught up in what others were thinking and doing that I stoped focusing on what God was doing. In the process I'm pretty sure I became more of a hindrance than a help to his kingdom. I think it's about time we all step up and start living for our King rather than focusing on others mistakes and mis-actions so much.
Footnote: I did a little bit of judging at camp, too. At first my judging was somewhat pure -- more of an evaluation if you will -- since we were attending the camp they always put on. After about 3 days of feeling constantly judged, I became frustrated and wanted to feel better about myself so I started judging back. Did it solve anything? No. Did it make me feel better? No. Did it distract me from what God was doing? Yes. Moral of the footnote is this: love, don't judge. Seems like the same moral from the whole post, really.
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