Please pray.

Nothing sudden or really even out of the ordinary, but I could really use some prayer.

I've struggled pretty much every day of my life with the answer to a simple question. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I remember as a child starting a list to answer that question. Every time I decided on a new life profession I would jot down. After two months and 30+ professions, I gave up. It didn't seem to serve a purpose if every profession I could think of went onto the list.

I changed my major so many times in college that I stopped telling the school -- it was easier to wait until they needed the information than to update them every 2 weeks. I graduated with a degree in some meaningless field knowing I didn't want to pursue it. Thinking and planning on moving out of state for a ministry internship was definitely God at work, and I thought I'd finally discovered what he had for me. I moved home so I could organize and pack before following the Lord to the great unknown. Until He stopped me.

Now looking back I feel like I've wasted the last year of my life. I dated a guy who decided his plan was better than God's when it came to ministry and life. I loved on students and then was told I was no longer welcome to be anywhere near them. My first job is and always will be shallow, meaningless work. I faced my biggest challenge in months convincing Mexicans to cook rice pasta for a customer with Celiac's. My second job is essentially a dead-end with no hope of advancing without significant self-funded training and causes me to lack compassion. It's hard to care that someone needs ranch dressing or didn't get a prescription for Adderall when last week I was talking with a friend about a six-year-old girl with a brain tumor, and when that brain tumor was removed she became completely paralyzed from the neck down.

Here's where the prayer part comes in.

I'm tired of wasting God's time and mine. This leaves a few different options.
1. He can reveal to me that He's not wasting either of our time and show me a little bit of what He's up to right now.
2. I pursue the most rediculous mission trip I've ever dreamed of. One year and 11 countries.
3. I pursue school. But not just any school. I've been told that what I'm considering will mean I'm sacrificing my entire life for my career. I think the Lord may be leading me towards this, but it's a "smart person" profession that especially as a woman, may cause people to be more than a little intimidated by me. (You know, because that doesn't happen already...)
4. I pour myself into launching a business. I've been working on it a bit lately and would completely love doing it, but I'm not sure the challenge would satisfy me.

I'm waiting one day at a time for the Lord to show me His will, and in all honesty, I'm tired of waiting. I need to make decisions rather quickly and this isn't exactly a simple chain of events to decide upon.

Pray that our Savior would lead me to become the woman He desires for me to be, whatever path that means I must follow.