I am a selfish bitch.

Now that I've gotten it out on the table, please let me clarify. Let's start at the end. I am really opinionated. Duh. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who isn't this way. Unfortunately, you'd be just as hard pressed to find someone I haven't tried to force my opinion on. You see, I'm right. And not just some of the time. Every single word that comes out of my mouth (or in this case, fingers) is like dewdrops of knowledge from heaven. Right? Ok, seriously. We ALL know this is nowhere near true. But most of the time I definately live this way. People tend not to see this as a benefical characteristic, and because I'm a woman I generally earn the title of "bitch". Since we've all gotten over me swearing, let's move onto the selfish part.

I like me. Well, only kind of. I definately like my thoughts and dreams. If you don't listen to my opinons you're in for a verbal lashing, just ask anyone who dares not to listen. There was a time not too long ago where I rarely shared my opinions, mostly out of fear that no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I realized today that I've now turned into the opposite. I'm too busy telling everyone what they need to hear that I can't hear anyone. I'm so concerned about being listened to that I've forgotten to listen. Hense, "selfish". Me first. Listen to me before I'll ever listen to you. Love me before I'll ever love you. Serve me before I'll ever serve you. Funny thing is I was just nagging Danny a few weeks ago about his heart for missions. It's not exactly something he's focused on, which is ok. I have my areas that need growth too. But the words that came out of my mouth were from Romans 5:8. Christ died for me before I was a twinkling in my father's eye, before I could do anything in return. What a statement. UNSELFISH love. I've got so far to go...

Anyways, I'm working on no longer being selfish or a bitch. If I seem more quiet than ususal, it's because I'm biting my tongue. Give me a popsicle or offer me some ice cream. Most likely this will be a really painful process for me. But most of all, please encourage me when I succeed and pray for me either way.

Thanks,
The hopefully-no-longer selfish bitch