Anything he can do I can do better...

I find it funny that all it takes for me to remember how much I like to blog is to read the boyfriend's. Figures.

I found out yesterday that apparently I frustrate people. For one of the first times in my life I feel confident enough to seay that if you don't like me it's 100% ok. I don't have one problem with that. I've decided that no one is worth me changing who I am to make them happy. I am who I am, and that's who God made me to be. Of course I'm a work in progress and am constantly changing, but there is a difference between changing for people and changing in general. What's the point in pretending I am someone I'm not so that someone will like me? Chances are they won't like who I'm trying to be either. Then again, who am I to say that I won't change for anyone? I changed this week for Dan. It was important to him that I plan things more in advance than I wanted to, but I decided I would do ask he asked first of all as a way to serve him and second of all because I probably should have done it in the first place. Did it change the world? Not in the least. It did, however, prevent what probably would have been a disagreement.

What is it about human nature that makes (some of) us feel as though we aren't good enough? Some of the leading psychologists have made observations about generational changes that begin with my generation, such as the shift from a focus on the family to a focus on the child. No wonder so many parents are on anti-depressant drugs and in counseling while so many of their kids have heads so large that they must have permanent neck aches. Too bad I was about a day late and a dollar short for the child focus era. Instead, my pride rears its ugly head by saying "You'll like me the way I am or you won't like me because there's no way I'll change for you." Maybe one day...

Throwback and Sunday Mornings

I just found my blog from high school. I remember being way into it back then, but it was really cool to read my thoughts and rants from what some people consider the greatest time of life.

The whole reason I came across my old blog was out of frustration. It seems like Sunday mornings on the way to church are the single most trying time for me. Regardless of anything the day before, Sunday mornings SUCK. Danny and I seem to fight, I fail to drive, the alarm doesn't go off, my room is too cold, and I always seem to forget something I really needed. It's almost as if someone knows that if he pokes enough at my morning I'll forget why I'm here...

The sad part is sometimes he's right. It is so easy to forget the God of goodness and grace when I'm mad that Danny doesn't like my cat or that my shirt is too wrinkled because it was balled up on my floor. It's funny to me that I let silly things distract me from the great news that I get to tell a bunch of middle schoolers that Jesus died so they could live.

Ironically (or not so much), as I sit her and rant, the verse card in front of me says this:
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trails, for we know that they are good for us -- they help us learn to endure." Romans 5:3

I'd say they do a heck of a lot more than just teaching us to endure. They remind us that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. God is the main thing of every morning, not just Sundays.

If only we lived like that was true in our lives.

I Don't Wait Around

As Alex and Chris get closer to becoming a married couple, I'm getting to spend huge amounts of time with Alex helping things come together, but also just hanging out. In the process I am quickly realizing why God provides us with friends who love Him just as much if not more than we do.
Tonight I had a conversation that left me extraordinarily confused, and knowing that it would be taking place I set up an afterparty with my dear friend Alex. As we sat and talked she stroked my hair and wiped my tears. She shared wisdom and advice. And best of all, she told me to wait on the Lord.
What?
Wait on who?
The Lord?
While I was in Colorado it seemed to normal to spend an hour a day with Him and wait for His voice. I've not even been back for two weeks and already I find myself inundated with things that claim to be more important that Him. And now He expects me to wait on Him? I wait on customers at work, but only because it's my job. I wait on the silly people who drive 60 on the freeway, but only when I have to or when I'm feeling really poor and want to make my gas last. I do not wait well.
It's funny to me how our Father knows our weaknesses and tends to remind us of them just as soon as we're feeling confident and a bit prideful.

The Wedding, The Week, The Night and The Day After

This post will be separated into four separate parts for clarity and ease of reading/writing. Any thoughts of what those three parts might be?

THE WEDDING.
It was short, sweet and to the point. They got married and she looked gorgeous. The look on his face as she walked down the aisle made my smile smile. You could tell that they love each other so deeply. At one point we all got concerned because my cousin stated "I just can't do this." After a second or two, we all figured out she was talking about her veil, not the marriage. The reception was quite fun the weekend provided a wonderful opportunity to spend time with cousins not in the wedding who usually are way too busy to hang out.

THE WEEK
In a word, amazing. Really. I got to FPC a little early because of transportation and scheduling conflicts and was petrified. I found myself underneath a staircase questioning how God could allow everyone I know to abandon me in a town I don't know. We headed off for camp and I still kept questioning why God would drag me there. However, much to my surprise, God showed up and clarified His plan for my life.
In the end of Matthew, Jesus is talking to the disciples and tells them to preach the Good News in Jerusalem (where they are), in Samaria and Judea (surrounding towns) and to the ends of the earth. Luckily for me, God convicted me of the fact that the end of the earth He's called me to happens to be in Colorado.

THE NIGHT
The last night of The Week was sweet. God also revealed himself in so many different ways, from speaking to every one of my girls exactly how they needed to hear Him to speaking through me to a fellow leader to physically healing an ailment because we asked it of Him. Our small group was literally drunk on the Lord. We were bouncing off the walls and calm at the same time, crazy excited yet at peace. We almost baptized my co-leader in the pond/tiny lake at camp. If I was to explain it all here, the post would be way too long and y'all would think I was crazy. Ask me about it though.

THE DAY AFTER
I came home last night pretty soon after camp and arrived in San Jose at 11pm. Today though, has been almost more tiring than camp. This morning I headed for a quick shopping trip (necessitated) before working most of the day and then attending a wedding shower for my dear friend Alex. I headed from there to see The Dark Knight, and realized that I couldn't process anymore. I spent my entire week trying to slow down and see God in the small things and to watch a movie with so many explosions and loud colors and sounds was overwhelming. I think the film was good, but still need to think about that one. We'll see.

Now that it's over I think I'll begin to process it all. Maybe in a couple days I'll know what all happened.

The Beginning...Sort Of

As I head off for Colorado, I've decided to start a blog. Maybe no one else will read it, but I feel like I should do this anyways. You all can share in my journey if you choose, or at least pretend you do so I feel better about all of this.
This time around I'll be gone for nine days - three of which are wedding related, and the rest of my time will be spent at The Week, the summer camp put on by First Presbyterian Church of Boulder, Colorado, where I will be spending the next year of my life (maybe). My cousin is getting married a little south of Denver, so I'll be there schmoozing it up and looking pretty in heels and dresses before heading up north to Boulder for camp. I'm really nervous because I know approximately 3 people at FPC and they all will be focused on putting camp on. Regardless, a week of camp is a week well spent, so I don't think I can go wrong.
Honestly, I'm still not sure I'll be in Colorado in the fall, but am praying that God will reveal His plan a bit this week. Please be covering me in prayer if you think about it (or even if you don't).
Thanks.